you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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