The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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