I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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