Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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