its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
