hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
