Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
