Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
