if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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