the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
