Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize