Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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