y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
