Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
