I need to stop coming to work sober
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
