i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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