Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
