Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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