I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
