You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
