I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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