I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
