I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
