I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
