my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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