One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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