i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
third nipple confirmed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
