I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
