Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
