im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
