I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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