I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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