Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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