Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
