she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
