For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
