I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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