I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
