You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
