I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
