Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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