I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
