its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
