If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How's work?
Spinning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
