the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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