i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
