someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
