so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
