there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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