my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
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