Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
