i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
