I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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