i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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