I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
