I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
