I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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