I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
