Please, let me fuck your mom
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
