ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
