probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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