I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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