he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
