What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
