Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
