well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
did i just pee glitter
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
