is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
