I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
