I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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